Always Only Good

I am sitting here tonight thinking about the goodness of God. Contemplating, his goodness despite moments that don’t necessarily “feel” good. In the wake of saying goodbye to a beautiful young woman who went home to be with Jesus after a battle with cancer, my heart is aching. I long to have understanding as to the why, but I know my heart and mind do not have the capacity to fully understand, not yet anyway.  I have spent a lot of time in the past few years declaring the goodness of God despite difficult circumstances. Not just declaring it but really believing with every ounce of me that he is always only good. Prophesying truth into every circumstance. But somehow when it is in the context of death, goodness becomes harder to grasp. Harder to see how it can all work together for good. I do not now nor will I ever question who God is or that he is good, but I think it’s easy to declare “God is good!” without any revelation of His goodness in that situation. Without true revelation, the declaration falls flat.

Sometimes we have to stop and think long enough to be honest with ourselves and say “God my mind knows you are good, but this doesn't ‘feel’ good at all. Show me your goodness in this pain”. God’s goodness is greater than our feelings, it’s greater than our circumstances, it’s greater than any situation we can be faced with. In order to see that goodness manifest in our desperate situation we have to begin to surrender our human understanding for true revelation of His goodness.

We want answers and we want them now… It’s human nature. We have this undeniable need to know the ‘why’ in every circumstance. It’s how we attempt to find peace in tragedy. But as Bill Johnson says “ You cannot find the peace that passes all understanding until you give up your right to understand.” Giving up our right to understand forces us to trust in God. Faith begins with trust. Trust implies an unknown, without the unknown there is no need for trust. Trust then moves to belief. Belief that God can move your mountain no matter how big it looks from where you stand. Belief then moves to expectation. Expectation says “God I expect you to come through for me, however that looks to you. I’m willing to risk pain and disappointment in order to see fulfillment of the promise.

It’s all too easy to rationalize our pain, grief, or difficulties into an explanation that makes sense to the human mind. But does that explanation sacrifice who God is in nature for the sake of human understanding? Should it not be our understanding that gets sacrificed for the true nature of His goodness? Sacrificing my right to understand, knowing and believing he is good even when what I am walking through doesn’t “feel” good. The nature of God’s goodness is more than a feeling. Goodness is His identity. Identity trumps feeling. Feelings come and go, they change with seasons, they can change by the minute. The Identity of Heavenly Father NEVER changes. It is never shaken, it will not be moved. He is always only good. When we walk through severe pain it’s easy to lose sight of His goodness because of our feelings. It’s easy to feel entitled to some understanding. It’s easy to want to know things we were never created to understand.
I have recently come to a place in my life where I have started asking God a lot of questions. Not in a disrespectful way, just in a “your my Dad, and I have questions to things I don’t understand” way. Sometimes he answers with beautiful detail, drawing conclusions I never could have seen. And sometimes his answer is “Stef, this isn’t something you can understand right now” or simply “Stef, it’s not your fight”. I am learning not to be discouraged by those answers. A Father answers his child with words the child can understand. There are some questions that the child is not ready to have answered. There are some questions a child is not mature enough to grasp. But when the time comes, a loving father always draws that child close and gives them the answers they need in a way they can understand.
The same is true with our Heavenly Father. He loves us so much, enough to protect us. He gives us exactly what we need and answers us with the perfect answer. So I encourage you, listen for His voice, don’t be discouraged when your mind doesn't understand, don’t doubt the nature of God’s goodness. Simply know the answer you need will be revealed in his perfect timing. Whether that is in this life on earth or when we walk with him in heaven, he is always faithful to answer us. He is always only good.

Photo images by Heidi Winklepleck of Union Circle Photography

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