Jesus please heal me, I want to see my children grow

It was a perfect warm July evening in 2015, the kids were gone for the night and my husband and I had an evening out all to ourselves. On the way home the pain set in, excruciating pain in my right side. My husband was concerned and asked me if we needed to go to the ER. I said no, that I thought I could probably tough it out. This had been going on for a while, but this particular night the pain was much worse than it had been in the months leading up. My doctor said it was probably an ulcer and had treated it as such. I knew it wasn't. My husband was begging me to please call my doctor again, I promised I would first thing monday morning. Monday morning I got a call from my nephrologist (kidney doctor). A couple weeks before, my PCP  had run some labs following my appointment. My kidney function was down significantly. I am a kidney transplant patient and received a kidney transplant back in 2012... another story for another day. My nephrologist wanted to biopsy my kidney so I asked if they could please ultrasound my right side while they were at it because I had been experiencing significant pain. They asked about the pain and told me to please go in for an ultrasound right away. We did and the waiting began... Thursday I received a call, they had seen masses on my liver and wanted me to come in right away for a biopsy of the masses. Friday they did a Biopsy... again we waited. Tuesday afternoon we received a call that the results showed lymphoma. We still had no idea of the extent. We assumed we had caught it early and treatment should be simple enough, lymphoma is generally treatable and responsive to chemo. My mother and father in law suggested we go to the Healing Rooms at Bethel right away while I could still travel easily. They offered to take our kids, then 5 and 8 years old. So we got in the car and headed to Redding. On the way down we cranked a Jesus Culture album and my husband claimed a song called "Show me your Glory" as our anthem and prayer as we headed into this unknown season. I received prayer and ministry at Bethel and was blessed. One particular statement jumped out at me and I kept claiming it as my promise; "God wants your healing more than you do, he went to the cross for it". I realized I had no problem believing God had gone to the cross for my salvation but had never really considered that it was just as much for my healing as it was my salvation! " By his STRIPES we are healed!" It's right there plain as day but it had never been so revelatory to me as it was that day.

The following week I had my first PET scan, the diagnosis: Stage 4 B-Cell lymphoma with a MYC mutated gene. The cancer had spread and covered my entire liver, it was also in my right sinus and my neck. Treatment would begin immediately. The tricky part was that nasty little demon that concealed itself as a mutated MYC gene. It caused the cancer the reproduce quickly and caused high risk for recurrence after treatment and remission. They said there was about a 30-35% chance chemo would work, and that most likely the cancer would return due to that gene. We knew in that moment we needed a miracle. My husband was in tears and I was so shocked and unprepared for this diagnosis that I just sat and stared at the PET pictures. "This can't be happening" I said to my husband.  My prayer in that very moment? "Jesus, please heal me. I want to see my children grow."

TREATMENT

We left the appointment and my husband went to pick up the kids and take them to our hometown 90 min away to be with some AMAZING friends of ours so Tim could be with me.  After he left I had to wait for my room to be prepared. I went to check in, I had been to this hospital a hundred times, but I couldn't seem to figure out where to check in. I sat down on a bench and started to cry. I wept harder than ever before and after what seemed like an embarrassing amount of time a nurse came up and asked me if I needed help. I told her yes, she put her arm around me and walked me where I needed to be. She didn't say a word, but somehow I could tell she knew what I was facing. Thus began what would end up being more than 800 hours of chemo over 6 months. Hour upon hour where the presence of the Lord would meet me and change me in ways I never thought possible.

Treatment was challenging to say the least, but during my first week of treatment I had the first of 2 undeniable encounters with God that would happen during treatment. In this encounter he destroyed that MYC gene and gave me a promise of healing. This encounter boosted my faith in a way I had not before known and gave me hope that he would see me through.  

From that day on, I woke up every morning and asked God to give me just enough grace for that day. I took life one day at a time because my tomorrow was uncertain and frankly too scary to think about. I made a decision every day to place my tomorrow in his hands, where it belonged and face my today with the grace of a healing savior.  I would put on worship music and sit in the presence of God all day. I would read scripture, proclaim promises, and prophecy healing over my body from my bed. I didn't have strength for much more. On good days I rested while the kids were at school and was able to function fairly "normal" for the evening while they were home. They would go to bed, and I would crash. Barely able to keep my eyes open. I prayed daily for strength for my kids and husband knowing this was just as hard, if not harder on them then it was me. I would pray daily, “Jesus please heal me, I want to see my children grow.

STEM CELL TRANSPLANT

In December 2015 I finished what was to be my last round of chemo and was excited to start 2016 cancer free and done with this chapter of my life. I was claiming it, believing it, and praying it everyday so when my PET scan came back showing a tiny spot of cancer I was beyond disappointed. I knew that spot meant more treatment and I was not sure I could endure anymore. God had brought me through the first 6 months with miracle after miracle and grace upon grace. I knew that His grace would continue if I continued to surrender, but the thought of deeper surrender somehow seemed impossible. I had poured out every last ounce of me at the cross contending for a miracle. This desperation would lead me to a second unbelievable encounter with the Lord where he broke and set me free from the spirit of fear and where I believe he dissolved and healed that final spot of cancer.

I would still have 2 more rounds of intense chemo, and was informed during these two rounds that they recommended a autologous stem cell transplant. This would use my own stem cells to rebuild my immune system. We talked and prayed  a lot about this procedure and both my husband and I felt it was wisdom and God’s direction to move forward with the stem cell transplant. It would greatly reduce the chance of recurrence.

The day I was admitted for the procedure was my son’s 9th birthday. My heart broke and again I surrounded myself daily with the sounds of Praise and Worship, proclaimed promises, listened to messages on faith and healing, read books, and prophesied healing over my body. This season in my life felt lonely and isolating but in that loneliness I found the solitude of his presence that would fulfill my every need and get me through every hour.

The transplant went as smoothly as it possibly could have. I was released a few days early from the hospital and then allowed to leave the Portland area a week before I was supposed to be able to go home. God heard my heart and did another miracle, I was home earlier than expected and could finally begin to heal and get back to living the brand new life God had given me.
Life would be significantly different, it had to be different after all I had endured. To turn back to my old way of life made the whole thing seem meaningless somehow. I knew God had taken what the enemy had intended to destroy me with, turned it around miraculously and used it for his glory. Life had to be different now, but just how different? Well, that part I am still figuring out as I let the Father guide my life in a whole new way.