Worth the fight

Sometimes, I get tired. Sometimes, I feel weak and discouraged. Sometimes I wonder, if it is all really worth the fight? Then I remind myself of the Father's undeniable faithfulness. I remind myself that I would not be here today if not for the miraculous healing grace of God. In those moments I pick myself up, shake off the disappointment and press on.
I am a fighter, not necessarily by nature but out of necessity. I have been up against chronic sickness and disease for most of my life, and have stood in the face of death a time or two. Situations like those force you to fight even if you are not instinctively a "fighter".  When difficulty comes whether it is in the context of health, relationships, or just life in general it is difficult for me not to want to fight...or more specifically to want to defend. I tend to be very defensive, often in situations that don't even call for defense of any kind. But I have walked through a season of grace and rest and in that season, the Father taught me to allow him to be my defense. He is the great defender, and he can cover me and fight for me better than I can even on my best day.
I recently wrote a song that is deeply personal, it is a song I can sing to the Lord and immediately feel him close. I sing it in the moments when discouragement and worthlessness hit me. When I forget that to Him I always have and always will be "worth the fight". I honestly believed when I first wrote it that this song was just for the Father and I. A song I would probably never share, but as I began to sing it more and more I heard him whisper that He wants me to share it. I share it because others need to know that they too are "worth the fight".  I don't have a recording, I hope to someday, but for now here is the lyric.

Worth the Fight 

You fight for me, win my battle

Heart defender, source of peace

Eyes ablaze and heart so kind

where storm and comfort meet

My worth will be found, only in you 

as you fight for me, you fight for me, win my battle

I lay down my life, only for you 

as you fight for me you fight for me, win my battle

Speak to me words so tender, 

you say I'm worth the fight

I find my rest against your chest

your presence is my light

My worth will be found, only in you 

as you fight for me, you fight for me, win my battle

I lay down my life, only for you 

as you fight for me you fight for me, win my battle

You come with gentle hand and pick up every piece

You tip my chin, dry my eyes and kiss my tear stained cheeks

You say I'm worth it, I am worth it worth the fight

I say your worth it, you are worth it, worth the fight
~

Never give up, never let go, never stop pursuing the glorious presence of almighty God. He will never give up on you. He will never let you go, and he will never stop pursuing. He will always fight for you. He will always win your battle. 

Awe

"Awesome"... a word that has had it's meaning diminished and has become more of a buzzword than anything else. Few things in life however are actually "Awe"some aside from God. The day I married the love of my life? Awesome. The birth of my children? Awesome. Jesus miraculously saving my life from cancer that should have killed me? definitely Awesome. Outside of that few things have left me in total awe, but this past week I went on a surprise trip my husband planned that did just that. We traveled to St. George Utah, it was an incredible trip and the sights left me awe struck and pondering the depth of our creator.

Upon our arrival we headed to Bryce Canyon. The weather reports for our week were less than stellar. Cold rain and snow at every park we planned to see. On our way to Bryce Canyon we prayed much of the drive for clear skies as I watched the dark storm clouds looming over our destination. I wanted to see the Canyon in all of it's glory, not the fog. As we approached Bryce Canyon the clouds began to part and the sun broke out. My husband and I observed the storm quite literally move around us, not a normal "storm pattern" at all. Jesus parted the clouds and held back the snow for us to see the Canyon. Just as we reached the top it began to snow again. I was in Awe that Jesus loves us so much he stopped a storm for us to take in the beauty of his creation. It was just that... beautiful. The red rock formations, the soft white snow on top of the high cliffs and the pops of green trees were absolutely amazing. The skies were glorious, the clouds felt angelic and powerful I watched their shadows move across the canyons bringing glorious sun breaks and then bursting open in the next moment with snow. It was amazing and left me excited to see more.

The following day we headed to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. I had no idea what was in store for me. Again, rain and snow were in the forecast and as we got closer we hit some fog. Not to be outdone by the day before, God covered the weather for us and it was clear skies for us as we pulled into the park. It had snowed the night before so the fields and trees as we approached the Grand Canyon were covered in a blanket of pillow like white snow. When we arrived and I saw the immense array of colors layered into each rock, the vast depth of the canyon and height of each peak I was quite literally awe struck. My husband asked me if I was alright as I fumbled to take pictures, and I replied "I'm just taking it all in".

This is the handwork of my Father.  I stood on a rock gazing into the Canyon, as I was praying in the spirit I had a vision of the enormous yet gentle hands of the Father forming each rock, canyon and peak. Thoughtfully placing color and depth into each carefully created aspect. I know these canyons have shifted and changed over time and were probably created by the flood. But the point is I more deeply understood how thoughtful and intentional creation is, it was not accidental. I think sometimes we read about creation in Genesis and think God spoke and poof it appeared. But I believe there was deep thought and intentional design that went into the detailed creation of everything in our world. Everything from climate to plants, animals and bodies of water that each region would need and how it would all work together on the earth is magnificently designed.  

As we drove back from the canyon I kept thinking about the awesomeness I had just seen and then I heard the Father whisper "but you were created in my image". With all the beauty there is in this world, all of the wonders we can see from mountain to sea, desert to rain forest, we are the most precious thing to him. All the exquisite wonder this world has to offer was created for us, but He created us for Him. We are beloved sons and daughters, made in His own image. We hold more value to the Father than anything else. Matthew 6:26 "Look at the birds, they don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable than they are?". Who could ever have known that a trip to St. George Utah of all places could establish wonder, awe and identity so deeply in me.